My departure…

My departure… post image

The last four years have been full of lessons for me. That’s no shock, of course. Learning as we go is part of the deal, but it’s good to know I’m capable of seeing the folly of my ways, and adjusting.

Yes, adjusting. Much easier said than done. Like muscle memory or bad habits, we don’t always do what’s necessary at the precise moment it becomes such. And it’s this lag time that tends to be the most painful, during which so much turmoil abounds. Knowing we need saving is not the same as admitting that we are both the victim and the perpetrator. That the saving we require is from ourselves. That admission was a few years in the making for me, but it’s good to know it. Good to be on this side of it.

And so I’m just a few details away from obtaining my single subject teaching credential (Social Studies). Nearly 5 months into my demonstration teaching, I can rightly claim victory to just one small thing…I’m moving forward. That’s it. I shed the weight of a million tiny things that would have me stand still in perpetuity, and I discovered, again, the immense gift of creation. The undeniable power that we recapture by virtue of doing rather than sitting idly by, being done to. Watching. Consuming what others have to offer.

With so little teaching under my belt, I can’t even touch the teacher I know I’m capable of being. I don’t resemble that person at all. Not yet. Not even close. But I can still see him. In my mind’s eye I hold him up, turn him this way and that, examine him from every conceivable angle (and perhaps a few inconceivable ones) and know that he is me. I am him. One day. Not soon, maybe, but soon enough.

Leaving the shelter of preconceived notions is never, ultimately, as hard as it always seemed. The trick is believing it before you know it to be true. Making that departure before you feel like there’s no other choice.

{ 10 comments… add one }

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  • Bamboo Forest June 8, 2012, 9:07 am

    Congratulations on teaching credential. That’s pretty awesome.

    • Jeb June 8, 2012, 4:56 pm

      Thanks BF, I appreciate it. I hope the Bamboo Universe is expanding nicely (without too much entropy). Cheers…

  • Tre ~ (@thoughtbythought) June 8, 2012, 11:39 am

    holding this moment with you…
    deeply get it soooo…
    a gentle nudge and a celebratory hug, a tender hope:

    a. the nudge: you are simply allowing what has forever been there…and walking into the how this now says it may find those seeking the what…its the form…for the tender right now…. (i hold a multisubject credential and taught in a classroom for 9 yrs…mostly elementary til i realized a fondness for working with students assessed as needing individual education plans…though all do :) )

    b. the hug: the teacher is the how you love….who you are….you see whats possible in others and you seek to draw it out…so you are not simply embarking now..its who you’ve been all along

    c. the hope: pause to value each moment…they have all had meaning…they’ve all been steps to this now which is steps to what is tomorrow…but the continuity threaded through never leaves you :)

    ooh that you are writing again i’m grinning b/c that format of teaching you mastered long ago….

    grateful and giddy for the what i know will feel like a really awesome fit for your now….;)

    • Jeb June 8, 2012, 4:59 pm

      Hey Tre,
      Thanks so much, you’re always saying such nice things. And it occurs to me that long ago (years it seems), I neglected to follow through with some help I offered you. Bad Jeb. Perhaps I can make amends…??? Soon.

  • Ken Stewart June 8, 2012, 11:50 am

    Wonderful words that strike a particularly close chord with me in my present day-to-day activities. This is a particularly eloquent way to frame the so-obvious-yet-often-lost concept that we are both “victim and perpetrator” as you say.

    Thank you for sharing these thoughts with us. While cathartic for you, I’m sure, the real question is whether we each choose to move past ingestion to digestion at this point :-)

    Warmest Regards,
    Ken Stewart

    • Jeb June 8, 2012, 5:01 pm

      Well hello there Ken. I’m glad you stopped by sir. Thanks for your support, even after all this time. :) I’ll connect via email soon. Cheers…

  • rita June 11, 2012, 2:33 pm

    jeb, i read this post several times. and i printed it out and pasted it in my journal. so much to ponder, and act on! thank you for saving, being on this side of it, and for sharing.

    i wanted to reciprocate with some nice words, so i looked some up. thought you might like this:

    As we must account for every idle word, so must we account for every idle silence.
    - Benjamin Franklin

    good luck in your pursuits, rita

    • Jeb June 11, 2012, 7:36 pm

      Hey there Rita,
      Wow, you printed it out? That’s big. Thanks for the comment, and the quote. BFranklin is about as solid as they come. Nice to hear from you, I hope you’re well. Cheers…

  • Vivi September 13, 2012, 8:01 pm

    After working through your Feedburner directions, I added your site to my bookmarks & decided to check out your home page.
    Congrats on your decision to become a teacher! I spent almost 4 decades in that wonderful role. It’s a blessing, indeed. Best wishes for a long and exhilarating career!

    • Jeb September 15, 2012, 3:59 pm

      Thanks Vivi…not the best time to be trying to enter the field, but such is life. I’m patient. Didn’t manage to get a contract for this year, but I’m still hopeful and excited about the career. :)